I wannas sexs uuuuu
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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