Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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