she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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