you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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