This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Damn victory sex feels great
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