'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
