That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
