he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you had me at cake vodka
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
