I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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