Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
