After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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