I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
