I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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