'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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