where am i from again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
