I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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