the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
