I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want to fling myself into the sun
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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