Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
