i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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