the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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