3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
