I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
