Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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