I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
