we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
