i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
