It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
