i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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