In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
