So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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