He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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