I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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