Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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