Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
