matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
