i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
