my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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