so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
