definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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