he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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