Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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