she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
