Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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