ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
