I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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