We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
