Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
