you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
