I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
