we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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