update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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