I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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