why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
