My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
