Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The air was thick with penises
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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