I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
