when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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