I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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