My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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