Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
