Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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