Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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