I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My ass is underappreciated
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
