I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
