Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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