I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
