just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sarcasm needs its own font
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
