and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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