Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
