A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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