do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
