listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
