is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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