I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
