nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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